...as argued in this thoughtful piece? The idea that we are often very wrong in the assumptions we make about what other people are thinking and feeling strikes a chord. Is there a word for "false empathy" - i.e. for trying to put ourself into the other's shoes, but coming to completely wrong conclusions? Maybe we'd benefit from "cognitive reframing".
So often we seem to impute to others far worse feelings and motives than we subsequently learn were really there, and often isn't the truth that the other person was focused on his/her own problems and, far than condemning us, was probably not thinking about us at all? Even if/when they were, what harm does it really do us?
As the article concludes, "when we become strong enough to accept and live with any response we might get from people, our need to know how others will react to us, and our tendency to project our thoughts and feelings onto them, naturally begin fading away".
This article also makes reference to the Lost Art of Compassion, which argues that the Western practice of psychology has taught us to work with damaging emotions and patterns, but "has not offered even one clear, practical, well-researched method for people to use to develop compassion".
In contrast, through the practice and "steady cultivation of positive emotions and mental states such as affection, even-mindedness, empathy, gratitude, and especially compassion...we not only free ourselves from negative emotions, but are moved to ease the human suffering around us that is fed by such emotions".
We only have to think about compassionate people that we know or witness to sense that this is true, so at a time when it is becoming ever clearer that so much education is irrelevant or unfit for purpose, should we make space for training courses and exercises in compassion - in schools, at work and in wider society? If so, who would be best qualified to deliver such training in an integrating, secular manner - i.e. free from any particular tradition or belief system, from any of the "-isms" or categories that currently divide us?
Halcyon would like to explore this further with like-minded partners...
